


Dia-nial

by Infiniteleft



Series: One Foot Forward [1]
Category: Love Live! School Idol Festival (Video Game), Love Live! Sunshine!!
Genre: Angst, F/F, Fluff and Humor, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Mild Language, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Slow Romance, Teen Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-28
Updated: 2020-11-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:21:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25568905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Infiniteleft/pseuds/Infiniteleft
Summary: In which Riko discovers she's not alone, Dia is in denial, Mari hasn't stopped laughing, and Chika's got a lot of suspicion. There's an "I told you so" in there somewhere.
Relationships: Kurosawa Dia/Sakurauchi Riko
Series: One Foot Forward [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1614667
Comments: 10
Kudos: 28





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally... Finally it's started. The monster fic I've been planning since June of last year. It's the fic that made me start shipping Diariko as hard as I did. I've finally finished the first chapter.
> 
> Updates will probably take forever, but MAYBE they'll happen eventually. Even if it takes a year for each one, it will happen. But hopefully sooner than that.

Moving to Uchira from Tokyo was a shock to Riko, even after the time she's spent here already. She was so used to the busy, bustling streets and the tight schedules that the sleepy town seemed like a dream. Not a dreamy dream… More like a weird one, where you're content to stare at a wall, unblinking, for what must be an eternity. Still, Riko wouldn't complain. She rather liked the change of pace, of being able to focus on the smaller things that make you happy instead of the tiny things that trip you up and how many of those accursed pebbles there were.

It didn't mean she didn't keep herself occupied, however. 

School and idol-hood was a large undertaking. Aqours may not be very large or famous, but they didn't spare effort. They gave it everything. It was tough, sometimes, and sure, the stage fright was somehow even bigger now.

It was easier to manage, though. She wasn't alone. It wasn't her lonesome voice, being stared at while others judged her for every breath she took. It had taken time, but she found herself enjoying music again. Yes, she was busy. But she still had free time, and she used it all to cram in her other form of art. The one that while she loved dearly, was… really embarrassing.

There was a box under her bed.

She kept her drawings inside. If the others found out… she shuddered. Sure, they'd still be her friends. Maybe. Aqours would still exist. They wouldn't look at her the same, however.

Why, Riko Sakurauchi enjoyed drawing girls. Lots of them. And _that_ was _one_ of the reasons she ended up in her current predicament, staring into the horrified face of one Kurosawa Dia.

It was a horrible mistake to agree to spend the night with Hanamaru and Ruby. Riko didn't know it at the time, but her current and future self would lament it for the weeks to come. Past Riko had been nervous. Excited, but nervous. She'd made her first mistake in mentioning to the pair that she wasn't very familiar with idols. Ruby had taken this as a travesty and asked her to come over so she could share all the wonders of the idol world.

She had smiled, even though she wasn't super close to the other girls, and thought it was a good idea. Going back over what had led her to these events was all she could do in this moment, outside of regretting being born entirely."

* * *

"And Kotori was who again?" Riko ventured as Ruby paused in her tirade. Perhaps they should have waited until they got to the Kurosawa estate before diving into explanations. Then again, she still remembered the elder sister's fire regarding u's…

"Riko-san, weren't you listening?!" Then _again,_ she didn't think there was too much difference between the two, when Ruby was giving her such a disappointed look.

"She had the side ponytail, zura."

Riko leaned back and mouthed 'thank you' to Hanamaru as the shorter redhead stared at her best friend. Betrayal was written on her features, but Hanamaru only giggled and shot Riko a wink that Ruby either missed -- somehow -- or studiously ignored. The chiding that followed went over Riko's head, admittedly, with her staring at the sidewalk ahead of them.

While it was true she didn't know much about muse, she knew that idols were bright and preppy, with some exceptions. Like Yoshiko.

A small smile fell on her face as she mulled over how odd their little group seemed on the surface; she never would've thought she'd be in a group with any one of them before, and some days she still had to pinch herself to make sure she wasn't dreaming. While she treasured all of her friends dearly, before she joined Aqours, she hadn't considered being friends with Ruby and Hanamaru. Or Mari and Kanan. You and Chika? Maybe, maybe not. Definitely not Dia, though.

By all means, Dia was someone Riko admired! Strong, decisive, sure, talented, smart, beautiful… and also incredibly, incredibly out of her league and terrifying, to boot. No, she wouldn't have been friends with her at all. Maybe she should thank Chika for starting a domino effect of scaling friendships.

A nudge brought her out of her own little world with a jolt. Oh, crap, had they said something to her and she ignored them?

"I'm sorry?"

Hanamaru treated her to a grin. "You _were_ thinking, zura!"

Oh joy, what did she miss? "Um, yes, sorry- I was just thinking how nice this all is. Thank you for inviting me over, again. It'll be fun to see all of this with you two."

"W-well! I'm happy you're joining us! It's a shame you don't know a whole lot about idols. But we're gonna fix that!" Ruby nodded firmly. It seemed Dia had rubbed off on her. "You're even in luck! Sis ordered a new magazine! It should be here today! I hope…"

"Did you check your email?" Riko asked. "Sometimes they send a message telling you when it'll arrive."

"Sis is the one that ordered it," she repeated, "so she would know. Oh. I could text her!" Her phone was out in a flash, but she didn't send a message. Actually, she just stopped in her tracks, leaving Hanamaru and Riko to have to turn back.

"What is it, zura?"

"Sis isn't going to be home until later… she wouldn't know if it's here yet."

Riko blinked. _But..._ she opened her mouth, about to remind her that Dia could very well check her email, when she realized that the older student had stayed behind to catch up on her council work. Oh. That's right. She winced. That flu had been _brutal_ , if Ruby's account and the hospital stay had been anything to go by. She was probably swamped and concentrating. "Well," she said instead, "I guess we'll find out when we get there."

* * *

Fortunately for them all, the trek towards the Kurosawa's house wasn't too much longer. _Un_ fortunately for them, there was no package on the steps, or in the mailbox. Or in the foyer, when the trio got inside.

The stillness of the house set Riko's stomach into a twist. With them being the only ones in the house, something seemed… Ominous. It felt a little bit like doom. The creaking echoing down the hall didn't help.

Hanamaru picked up on the sudden edge to her face, and gave her a reassuring smile. "It's just the house, zura!"

Ruby returned from wherever she'd gone -- how did she miss her departure? -- with empty hands and more casual clothes. "Sis said that it would be okay to relax in my room until she gets here," she beamed, twisting her hands together, "so long as we're careful not to spill anything! Riko-san, want a soda? We have strawberry!"

"Um, sure, thanks. Strawberry works." Riko shifted on her feet, suddenly aware of how ridiculous she was acting. Nervous? Around Ruby? That was absolutely ridiculous, what even would she be nervous for? There wasn't anything to mess up today, was there? So long as she didn't act out and be rude, everything would be fine.

She relaxed. Everything would be fine.

* * *

Once settled into Ruby's room -- _wow_ , the girl had a lot of posters -- and armed with notebooks, the shorter redhead was scarily steadfast in her focus on tracking what Riko knew already. It… wasn't all that much when compared to Ruby or Hanamaru, but she prided herself on at least recognizing everyone. And some of their songs.

The performance aspect of it, though? Whatever Riko answered, there was a cringe from the younger girls. _I take it they're not impressed,_ she snarked internally to keep herself from feeling too embarrassed. The lives, the costumes, the choreo… she was woefully unequipped to answer much of those questions.

Finally, the questioning ended with a sigh from Ruby, who leaned back and peered at the remaining soda in her can. It seemed to provide her with endless wisdom or something, what with how she regarded the bubbly liquid. How a soft drink could make Riko feel inept was lost on her, but it was an experience she would never recommend.

"W-well? How did I do?"

Ruby looked up from her drink, only to turn and face Hanamaru in what could only have been a silent conversation. It ended with them nodding solemnly. That… that wasn't a good sign, was it. Ruby straightened up, evidently trying to mimic her sister as she cleared her throat.

"The good news is that you know who's who and what role they played. Th-the bad news is that you don't really know anything else. Like how they got to where they were -- or how they came up with their costumes or songs or theme or events or--"

"I think she gets the point, zura."

Riko nodded weakly.

With a sigh, Ruby sat back and chewed on her pen. Having turned her gaze onto the notes she'd taken during this bizarre test, she didn't see the sympathetic look Hanamaru gave her. The brunette shot her a thumbsup. "You tried your best, Riko-chan! You just need a bit more time to learn everything, zura!"

"Huh? Oh. She's right!" Ruby nodded quickly, as if afraid to have hurt Riko's feelings. It was okay; Riko WAS made of sterner stuff after all, right? Right?! Riko looked away, not feeling all that confident in that statement. Luckily for her, Ruby saved her from having to respond. "And we can start now! We can go through my magazines and help you get familiar with everyone! It makes everything so much easier to remember when you can connect with them."

Something about that made her stomach clench, even though it was hesitant excitement that bled through her veins. "Really? Great! Where are they?"

Ruby stood up. "Over here, behind you."

Turning, Riko immediately froze up upon seeing the sheer amount of magazines on the bookshelf behind her. Ignorant to Riko's budding horror, her junior happily started pulling them off the shelf, piling them into an impossibly large stack. How did she expect to move all that ov-- Ruby lifted all the magazines up into her arms like it was a bag of milk.

…Riko didn't doubt the claim of Ruby's newfound love for powerlifting now. No, she doubted her ability to read through all of these in one day. Gulping air back into her lungs, she resigned herself to the weeks this was going to take. But it would be worth it, wouldn't it, in the end? For Aqours? Thinking about the others filled her with determination to learn everything she could about all of them -- of u's, of A-Rise, their rivals and friends, and learn everything she could of Aqours, of her new friends who she's starting to believe she might do anything for.

"Uh, Ruby-chan? Do you think that might be a little bit much, zura?

Ruby opened her mouth to clearly disagree, but nothing came out. No, instead, ever so faintly, the trio could hear a door slamming shut. Was that Dia? Sure enough, a voice rang out from down the halls. "Ruby? Are you there?"

Ruby lit up brighter than the sun. Without any further word, she stuffed the stack of magazines into Riko's flustered arms, speeding out of the room and down the hall. "Sis! Sis! Did it come?! Is it here?!" Her voice grew fainter with every word, but her excited hollering could still be heard in the bedroom.

Hanamaru turned to Riko with an amused look. "There she goes again, zura… I guess we could go see. And snacks! We can get snacks!"

Already, Riko felt even more harried. Their session had only just started, and yet she wanted nothing more than to fall over and go to sleep. "Could I, ah, get some help with this…?" No wonder Ruby had pulled them out one by one. Still, how the tiny redhead managed to carry all these would stump Riko for the next while.

Thank goodness Hanamaru was still here. "Oh! Sorry, I think we got carried away, zura!" Slipping her hands into the stack, the bookworm halved the load with a soft 'zzzzt' of the covers. "There! Teamwork! C'mon, Ruby won't be waiting!"

The redhead sighed, falling in step behind Hanamaru as the younger girl navigated through the halls. Thankfully, it didn't take long for the pair to show up in the kitchen where the sisters were already talking.

Ruby was animated in a way she hadn't really seen before, her hands darting to and fro as she swayed back and forth. "Their outfits are just so pretty, sis! And there's the exclusives!" Riko wasn't sure whether it was still Muse she was talking about. Didn't they disband or something already? Dia was simply nodding along with humming interspersed into the empty spaces Ruby left, peering at the knife rack. So it probably wasn't about u's, then.

"Diaaaa, can we get some snacks while we read? Pretty please? Oh, with cherries on top, zura?" Hanamaru set her own set of magazines down onto the counter with a full thud, spinning to face the older sibling with hope in her eyes. And the pout.

The inky-haired beauty sighed softly. This was a familiar request, Riko guessed, from what she knew about Hanamaru. "Just a small one. I won't have you two spoil your appetite for dinner on unfilling treats." There was a loud 'shing!' as Dia withdrew a small blade, still not looking up as she lined it up on top of the box in front of her.

"Maybe we could make a vegetable tray, if you have any?" Riko suggested. "That's more healthy than a bag of chips."

Evidently Dia wasn't expecting a third voice, her head shooting up and whipping around to stare at the second-year. "A-ah, yes, that'll be fine, ah… Riko-san? Ruby didn't say anything about inviting you over."

"Oh, it was a spur of the moment thing, zura! Riko-chan's fallen behind on her education!" Hanamaru proclaimed, hastily tacking on "in idols, I mean, zura! Not schoolwork!" when Dia shot both of them a Look.

"Hm. I see." The hackles flattened and she dipped her head, speaking steadily, "that's a good idea; knowing more about our competition and predecessors can help us grow." She turned back to the box, tucking the blade up under the flaps. With a quick motion, 'stck!' went the tape, and it was spun around to the other side. Dia fumbled a little with the next slice.

"Yeah," Riko felt rather like a deer in headlights, even though she was no longer in the other girl's gaze. What was it about the other Kurosawa that kept setting her on edge? Watching her briskly open a box was kind of terrifying. Maybe… maybe that was why? She was all business, and intimidating as hell. And aways so stern, anything else was kind of creepy… except when it involved Ruby. Ruby was her known soft spot.

Speaking of Ruby, the girl hopped up on her toes, swaying back and forth as she clung to her sister's shoulder, to the elder's dismay. "Come oooon, sis!" Dia nudged her away with her elbow.

"Be patient, just give me a second, Ruby! Let me put the knife away." She chided, her brows coming down to hold a scowl. "I'll find it in a minute."

Hanamaru shared an amused look with Riko, her lips quirking up briefly. "Find it? How do you lose it in a box so empty, zura?"

"Eh?"

Mischief bloomed over the brunette's face. "Ruby got only one magazine this time, so it shouldn't be hard to find, huh? So how is it hard to find, zura?" She nodded towards the package, stirring Riko's curiosity. She was right, for one magazine, there shouldn't be something that big…

They wouldn't get an answer, though. "W-watch what you're implying, Hanamaru. There was a sale, so I bought a couple of books I've been meaning to read." Dia frowned, swatting away Ruby's venturing hand with a tiny shriek from the junior. "I said _wait_!"

"So mean…!" Ruby pouted, sliding into one of the chairs. She did stop her antics, however. For now.

A long suffering sigh came from the older girl and with a roll of her eyes, began rummaging through the box -- careful, Riko noticed, to not show any of the covers above the edge. At last, she pulled something out, handing it over to Ruby. "Careful with it," as if she had to tell Ruby, "that's from during the beginning of their career."

The look on the redhead's face could only be described as reverent, holding out both hands to rest underneath the magazine. Like a switch, her face split into the biggest grin Riko had even seen and she sprinted off with an excited squeal, leaving Dia to call after her about "no running inside!"

"She's really excited about idols, isn't she?" Riko wondered, still leaning on her stack of magazines. Hanamaru nudged her off before Dia could see, the remaining redhead shooting her a confused look.

Thankfully, neither of them commented on it. "She is. I'm glad she has something that makes her happy. She's always been frightened of everyone, so seeing her make friends because of it is reassuring." Dia turned around, surprisingly grim. Riko jolted. "There's some stuff in the fridge, feel free to use anything that's not in the blue bag."

With that, the third year walked off, presumably to her room, leaving a puzzled and not insignificantly afraid Riko with an unfazed Hanamaru behind.

"Is… was that a sore spot?" She asked Hanamaru, creasing her brow. She distinctly remembered that there had been sensitivity issues regarding Dia's enthusiasm (or lack thereof?) for idols.

A weight lifted a little as Hanamaru shook her head. "I don't think so, zura. She'd be angry if it was."

* * *

It didn't take long for them to get settled in front of the TV with a platter of fruits, cheeses, and crackers. Ruby had dug out her DVD collection and set them to play, pulling out relevant magazines and explaining interesting tidbits to Riko as they went; things such as how long it took for their costumes to be made, which songs they struggled to write, and the time Rin forgot half of her choreography.

Thinking about making a mistake like that in front of hundreds of people made Riko's stomach flip into a knot, and the cracker in her mouth felt incredibly dry.

"I hope I don't do something like that. It would be embarrassing, zura." Hanamaru chimed in around an apple slice.

"Mistakes happen, don't they?" Riko mumbled. "Especially knowing that hundreds of people are watching… and waiting…"

"But that's why we practice hard! So we can count on each other to do it in our sleep!" Ruby clapped her hands together, firm but encouraging. "If you work hard, the crowd will notice! And if you don't… t-they really notice…"

All that came in response was a string of quiet whines and mumbling. Wasn't that encouraging?

* * *

Eventually, the day grew late enough that dinner approached without abandon or notice. Until Dia showed up to look behind them to order them to pause what they were doing and wash up. Riko may have had a mini myocardial infarction at turning around to suddenly see her there, with arms crossed and a scowl plastered on her face, rebuking Ruby for not hearing her when she'd called earlier…

* * *

Something kept her from talking much at dinner. Maybe it was the intense conversation Ruby and Hanamaru got into about u's? Maybe it was the irrational shame of her shortcomings that compelled her to hold her tongue? Or perhaps it was simply being in Dia's irate presence, and just knowing she was being judged and found wanting because she couldn't remember who Kotori was again-- side ponytail, right.

Either way, the cooking was divine even if Riko's anxiousness made everything taste dry. The questions she was asked were few and far between, and not really pointed at all, but somehow all she could see was Dia's stare from out of the corner of her eye, and it made her feel so, so small.

* * *

After dinner was a bit better, maybe in part due to Dia's retreat to her bedroom. Even through her fear, Riko still felt a bit bad for the older girl. Given how subdued she'd been during their meal -- err, more subdued than usual -- it was clear she still wasn't feeling the best. There wasn't anything Riko could do, though. So she just followed Ruby and Hanamaru back into the living room to watch some more DVDs, making sure they all kept it to a respectful level until they too finally decided to turn in.

Riko fell asleep with a lump in her throat and pain squeezing her stomach, and dreamed of standing alone on stage, with everyone's baffled and upset stares burning through her.

* * *

It didn't take long for her to wake up in a sweat, the world spinning and swaying as she tried to decipher reality as it was being presented. She shot up, regretted the motion, and then hesitantly cracked her eyes open. It was almost completely dark, the only light coming from the nightlight near Ruby's desk, and from the moon fighting through the trees and curtains, dappling the floorboards with silvery hues.

The twisting that had sat with her earlier didn't ease. It grew worse, and with a sinking feeling, Riko recognized the sickness settling low in her abdomen. Laying back down on the futon, she closed her eyes and took a deep, slow breath. _Shit_.

She hadn't thought about preparing for her cycle when she'd hastily packed her bag, earlier. It wasn't supposed to have happened so soon! But it did, and now she had to grasp at straws and figure out what the hell she was going to do. She had no idea whether Hanamaru or Ruby had started theirs at all; even if they did, asking them would be… absolutely out of the question. But alas, the Kurosawa parents weren't home yet. Could she hold out until then?

Two minutes later, Riko decided her answer was no. _Shit_. Again.

Glancing to the side, Ruby and Hanamaru were both dead asleep. Anxiety stabbed at her in time with a cramp. She bit her lip. Slowly, she peeled back her blanket and tucked her legs from out under it, bracing herself to get up. With bated breath, she checked to make sure she was clear to get up and **_shit_ ** _she bled through her pajamas--_

Her hands automatically snapped together in a praying motion, wincing at the smacking noise it made. Riko snuck a peek at the two younger girls again. Still there. Okay. _Crap_. How was she going to do this? She needed to change. Maybe it wouldn't be suspicious if she put on the pants she was wearing before. She could say they were comfier, maybe? Just maybe.

But she still didn't have a pad. Crap. Okay. She closed her eyes, resting her forehead against her fingertips. Okay. Okay. Maybe… maybe Dia could help her. She was older; she had to know what it was, at the very least, and could offer assistance. If not…

Oh God almighty, Riko _really_ didn't want to have to explain what menstruation entailed to a third year.

She'd have to take the chance, though. The Kurosawa's mother wasn't due back for three more hours, and their father for tomorrow. Dia really was the only decent choice. Unless she wanted to sneak out and go to the store herself, but that was even more absurd than anything else she'd thought of. It was a long walk and she probably wouldn't make it.

Steeling her nerves, Riko pushed herself up with minor difficulty. The blanket got kicked back over the spot she'd been laying in, covering up the bloodstain left behind. Checking once more that the other girls were asleep, she crept out of the bedroom and across the hall.

The floors creaked. The noise felt unholy; like the groaning of the house would bring forth chaos to rain upon her head. Or draw the ire of its sleeping occupants. Ah, she really hated this… she tried to make her pitstop in the bathroom as quiet as she could, speeding through it so she could bring herself to stand in front of Dia's door. Hopefully… hopefully she could get her help as fast as she changed, and it would all be forgotten by the time morning rolled around.

Her stomach kept knotting itself together, and it wasn't entirely because of her stupid cramps. The door in front of her was cracked open, as she hoped, but still she wrung her hands together.

This was embarrassing. Not to mention horrific, and shameful, and why didn't she see this coming?! Lurking outside Dia's bedroom wasn't going to help her, though, so she gathered up her courage and knocked on the frame. "Dia?" She called softly, shaking at the volume of her voice.

No response. _Shit_.

She crept closer, feeling awfully like an intruder even though she knew she was -- not welcome, exactly, but moreso expected to seek her out for help. "Dia!" She whispered a little more forcefully, standing next to the girl's futon.

"Hn?" The elder Kurosawa startled, rolling over to crack an eye open as her name was called. She squinted before blinking the sleep out of her eyes. "What is it? What's wrong?"

"Do you, ah… know where the spare sheets are?" She was busted, she knew, by the way her hands were wringing. No, Riko, pressing your fingertips together won't help either.

Dia didn't question it initially, to her relief. The other girl just stood, beckoning her to follow as she tread down the hall. With each step, she felt a little more safe. She didn't seem to care. Unless… she was going to ask when they reached the closet?

Riko firmed her resolve. She would be strong, and wouldn't back down. She needed those sheets. And some painkillers. And a pad. Or whatever Dia might have on hand, really.

"In here." Dia said simply, stopping in front of a small door. With a tug, it opened. "What is it you're looking for? Sheets? Pillowcases?"

"Ah, just the, ah… sheets." She edged, lacing her fingers together. Her eyes strayed to a box that sat on top of some of the sheets… it looked familiar. Wait, was that the box from earlier? It was.

"Only one?" At Riko's nod, Dia began to pull one away from the stack, working a hand under to steady the other fabric. Unfortunately, it did little to stabilize the other, the box sinking closer to the edge.

Riko sucked in a gasp as it lurched, ready to warn the older girl, when she tugged it free. And with it, came the package from earlier, landing on the floor with a sad, plastic crinkling thump. Dia froze up, not managing anything other than turning her head with widened eyes to gawk at the sight at her feet. She was silent.

"It's okay, I don't think I--" Riko stopped, now noticing what, exactly, was inside the box. She knew why she was so secretive about it, now. "Heard… anything… break…" _Oh_. Oh absolutely no. This couldn't be happening; there was no way this wasn't some sick dream Riko was having because of hormones or some other stupid reason. It was one thing to see a stack of manga hidden away. She had her own, there was nothing new to see there.

What punched her gut, however, was the title staring up at her. _Nonono…_ it had to be a dream. It wasn't real. And yet there it sat, that tiny doujin she wrote, she drew, she sold. There lay Riko's greatest kept secret.

And now, Dia's poorest kept.


	2. Chapter 2

There was an unbearably prolonged moment of silence between the two of them, both girls unable to breathe through the thick tension in the air. Riko could hear her own breathing cutting through the stillness. Dia’s too, which was the only real proof she had that the other girl was still alive. In the weak shower lighting, Riko could count the shadows that threatened to overwhelm the face of her mortified host. If God was watching, He’d find this hilarious, wouldn’t He?

She tries to collect herself through the lump in her throat. “Um. Is that--" Riko didn't get to finish before Dia recomposed her steely demeanor and shoved the brown sheet into her hands.

"None of your business!" The elder Kurosawa all but snarled, righting the box and stuffing it behind her back, out of Riko's sight. Curling over the spilled doujins, she hastily gathered them up, stuffing them back inside. Had she not been frozen, she might’ve had the mind to aid her. "Don't even ask, you saw nothing. Understood?"

Reeling back in fear of Dia's fury, all she managed was a tiny nod. She tried to speak, but all that came out was a strangled whine from the back of her throat.

"Good." Blazing eyes didn't break contact with Riko's gold, giving Dia the appearance of an angry raven as she snatched up another sheet, throwing it over the box. "Not a word of this to Ruby. Or  _ anyone _ ."

Riko took another awkward shuffle back away from the embarrassed outrage just pouring off of the elder Kurosawa in waves. She shook her head ‘no,’ eyes affixed onto the lump that was now re-hidden in the closet. It was a good thing that her hands had curled up into her chest, for as soon as Dia stood up, she slammed the still-folded sheet into Riko’s arms, storming out as quietly as she could. Not that it would’ve mattered, anyway, with how loud it had to have been to the others when the box fell. But there was always the matter of pride, and the chance nobody had noticed.

A sigh came past her lips as she sagged against the wall behind her, clutching at the sheet in the face of her sudden weakness. She kind of wanted to curl up and sleep for a very, very, very long time. Forever would've been preferable, really, but she’d have to make do with whatever she could get, which... wouldn’t be much. After that display, how could she feel comfortable under the same roof as Dia? How could she stay in the same room as Ruby?

Her stomach churned, by and large by her fleeting anxiety now. She pushed her foot forward, taking one step and then another. She made it to the light switch, and shut it off with a soft ‘click’, dropping her into a landmine-filled-doom. Why oh why couldn’t have Dia left the door open…? She felt around for the knob. “...ow.” Her hand bangs square into it, as if her bad day couldn’t get any worse.

Wait, no, it probably could. She shouldn’t tempt fate.

Riko trips on her feet as she stumbles out of the bathroom, glad that Dia seemed to have gone back to her room. Her trip down the hall is uneventful, save for that infernal creaking! Every time her toes land on a floorboard that moans a little too loudly, she found herself freezing up all over again. It might’ve been the anxiety talking, but it felt like hours before she finally made it back to Ruby’s doorway, cracked open as she’d left it earlier.

Approaching the futon, she didn’t want to uncover the mess she’d left behind earlier as soon as she returned. It would have to be done, though. No getting out of it. Carefully, she lowered herself to crouch in front of the bedroll, lamenting her rotten luck. Of all things to happen… of all things to happen to of all people! How could she look her in the eye tomorrow?! She couldn’t. She just couldn’t. There was no way she would be able to, not when Dia would probably silently give her the stink eye, furious she was aware of her secret.

Lost in her worries as she was, she somehow manages to miss the soft rustling of someone rolling over.

Riko eventually yanks the covers back, revealing her own source of shame for the evening. She pushes the pillow away as she strips off the soiled sheets, balling them up and looking around hastily. Oh God, oh fuck, where could she put this? She’d have to make a trip out to find the laundry hamper, how awful a guest was she? Ruby would never invite her back at this rate -- Dia, now, would never invite her over at all.

“Is everything okay, zura?”

A scream had to be suppressed at the shattered silence. With her heart firmly no longer inside her body, Riko slammed a hand over her mouth, turning around to face Hanamaru, who was blearily blinking at her. The only emotion she wore was one of the most mild concern. A tiny smidgen. Everything else on her face was just exhaustion, which may as well be an emotion at this point. Riko sure thought so. Words. Words, she needed words, Hanamaru’s continuing to stare at her and she needed an answer but no words were coming.

After what could've been an entire eternity, she pieced her brain back together enough to formulate reassurance. "It's fine!"

Hanamaru's stare was unending. Cold sweat bubbled up over Riko's skin and she found herself willing out another wordless prayer.  _ Please, please don't say anything more… _

The sigh she gave as the girl finally nestled back up into her sheets wasn't one she'd meant to sigh, but sigh she did. Good. Maybe she could get her heart to cuddle up in her chest now, as opposed to the floor where she's been dragging it around ever since she'd left Ruby's bedroom. She waited to see if either Ruby or Hanamaru would stir once more, but nothing happened. In fact, given that both of them were snoring (and not so lightly in Ruby's case, goodness) Riko guessed that she was in the clear.

Hurrying to get this done, Riko stuffed the rumpled sheet under her pillow. It was fine, everything was  _ fine _ , it would do for now. She re-fitted the futon with it's clean bedding and curled up with the extra blanket balled up to her torso. Okay. This would help. As long as she could slow her breath down, she'd be alright. In, and out… in, and out… in...

Staring up at the ceiling, just as she began to feel herself relax, Riko abruptly realized that she had forgotten to ask for a tampon.

_ Fuck _ .

* * *

Somehow she hadn't bled through her second pair of clothes -- a minor miracle, and one Riko would cherish for the rest of her life, whenever she thought about this -- during the night. By the time she managed to get up, through her cramps, she took immediate notice that while Ruby was still in bed, Hanamaru was missing.

Oh, no. She had to track the other girl down before she even thought about looking for painkillers. First stop had to be the restroom, though.

* * *

...Well, so much for those clothes.

Riko stared at the wall in resigned despair, losing a sigh from her lips. She's done a lot of cursing over the past twelve hours, and her count kept rising. “Come on," she whined aloud, unable to help herself. "Of course this would happen. Of course it would! Stupid, stupid, stupid!"

Why she did that, she didn't know, and her train of bad luck kept rolling. A knock came on the bathroom door abruptly, and she could faintly hear "are you okay, zura?" over the sound of her yelping.

"Fine! I'm fine!" Riko pressed a hand over her chest, demanding her heart climb back into her chest. "Just… a little tied up - I'll be out in a minute."

Shit, she would not be out in a minute, why did she say that?

"You're not hurt, are you, zura? There's blood on th-"

* * *

Riko found herself sitting on the floor in the living room. She would never live any of this down, but at least Hanamaru had the good sense to not tell anyone. No, after barging in after Riko’s scream of despair, the younger girl bailed her out. Hardcore. She really, really owed her one, didn’t she? No further comments had been made after her friend had plied her with the appropriate supplies, and when she’d returned to Ruby’s bedroom to put away her dirtied clothes, the futon was bare of all evidence. Nothing but a bare pillow was left.

Was this how you knew someone was your friend? Probably. At this point, she found she was willing to die for this girl. Was Maru secretly an angel in disguise? Maybe, maybe. She'd have to keep an eye on her…

Kidding. Riko would simply have to bring her something to repay her kindness. Some fresh cookies, perhaps? Would Hanamaru like gingersnaps? She didn't know, but Ruby might, so she squirrels that question away for later. She might be able to catch Ruby alone while Hanamaru's at the library. Perfect! Good plan. That'd work. Unfortunately, she doubted gingersnaps could fix all of her relationship woes, but she’d take it one step at a time. And if one of those steps included scrubbing all traces of what she’d seen last night, well, it wasn’t as if it was the first time she’d ignored events, after all.

* * *

She should’ve realized it wouldn’t be as easy as that. There was still the matter of breakfast, and the moment she entered the room, she realized this was going to be a new hell for her to endure.

As soon as all of them were sat down, Riko knew this couldn’t end well. It might not go horribly but it definitely couldn’t end well. Not with how Dia was pointedly avoiding her gaze. She didn’t even respond to the quiet ‘thank you’ Riko had given her when she’d set the plate down in front of her. Awkwardly picking up her chopsticks, Riko could only stare at the miserable pile of egg in front of her. It wasn’t so much that it was unappetizing to look at, but her mouth still felt dry as fuck on  _ top _ of her appetite still being quite shot and deceased from yesterday’s Incidents. The fact there were two separate parts to last night was killing her. But then again, that could just generally be the Incidents last night taking their toll on her, too.

Maybe she should stop overthinking it and eat her breakfast instead. Food instead of thought.

“Hey, do you wanna head over to the bookstore today, Hanamaru?” That seemed to be everyone else’s plan, as Ruby piped in from around her mouthful of food. Dia was quick to shush her with a stern reminder to not talk with her mouth full.

Speaking of plans, that was hers shot. Ruby,  _ please. _ She just wants to do something nice.

“Weren’t we gonna go out and practice, zura?”

“Well, yeah, but after that!” Ruby seemed to be unable to sit still in her spot, and was…. Bouncing? While sitting down? Without looking up, Dia reached out to place a hand on top of her sister’s hair, stilling her movement.

“Don’t shake the table, Ruby.”

“Ah! Um, s-sorry!”

Dia only shook her head, returning her arm to her side as she continued to eat. Riko tore her eyes away, knowing it was rude to stare. But wasn’t it also rude to pretend someone didn’t exist? Ah, she didn’t know… how in the world was she supposed to manage to salvage all of this? Pretend it never happened? That  _ did _ seem like the most prudent course of action, judging by Dia’s demands, but… it was really hard to do that when Dia seemed to be pretending she wasn’t there at all.  _ Not exactly the best way to signal nothing’s wrong, Dia-san… _

Lost in her own little world, Riko somehow missed Hanamaru’s response. “Huh?”

Hanamaru gave her a sympathetic look, tilting her head a little. “Still waking up, Riko-chan? Did you sleep okay, zura?”

Of course, luck being luck and how unlucky she was, Hanamaru just had to ask… “Fine! I slept fine! It was very--”  _ don’t say scary, don’t say scary, don’t say scary-  _ “comfortable. Really, it was pretty warm and, um, cozy.” Not the best save in the world, but at least she stuck the clumsy landing. Hopefully. Points most certainly deducted for the pause.

Ruby didn’t seem to notice, at least. That was one small comfort. “That’s good to hear, Riko-san! Um,” She seemed to be at a momentary loss for words, fumbling for niceties as much as everyone else was. “I’m glad we could host for you! I-is it hosting, sis…?”

Dia still didn’t look at Riko as she lifted her gaze instead looking towards Ruby and Hanamaru. “Yes, it is.”

Finally, finally, Dia looked at her. Seeing the deadened glare, her eyes shadowed, Riko kinda wished that she  _ hadn’t _ acknowledged her existence. To tear her gawking attention away would be to admit something was wrong, however, so she tried not to cringe. “It’s good to hear you settled in well, Riko-san. Will you be coming by again soon?”

Riko swallowed. Hard. She wished she could choke on a miniscule fly right about now, have an easy way out of answering. If it solved her problems permanently, that also would be appreciated at this point. Alas. Life is not so easy, and neither is social niceties. “W-well, if Ruby wants to, I-- I’d love to!”

She would  _ not  _ love to -- no offense to Ruby, who was doing her best to be welcoming -- but her stomach dropped with guilt when Ruby gave her a bright smile that told her that she was going to be invited over again very soon.

God  _ dammit. _

* * *

It was a stroke of luck, an absolute  _ blessing _ that she didn’t have to share classes with Dia. The secret would be out in two seconds flat if they were in the same room, which begged the question of how she was gonna be able to deal with their practice sessions later. Maybe… maybe Dia would be over it by then and would treat her normally.

Oh, how she hoped that was the case.

As soon as she stepped into the classroom, it felt like there were way too many sets of eyes on her, demanding to know what had happened. _ Easy, Riko, nobody would bat an eye as you so long as you act normal and don’t pretend that you’re pretending that you didn’t see the student council president’s hoard of yuri she’d hidden in a closet. _

...okay, she really needed to think about something else.

Like how Chika was standing over by You’s desk even though the teacher would come in at any second. She tapped her friend on the shoulder as she approached. Chika whirled around, eyes going wide, and her face split into a big grin. Ah, how relieving it was to see a friendly face today… “Ah, good morning, Riko-chan!”

“Good morning,” she replied in turn, looking between the two of them. “Did I miss anything?”

“We were just wondering where you were.” You leaned forward. Her arms were resting over her sketchbook, Riko noticed, where there was what was presumably her newest idea brewing on the pages. “So how did your assessment go, huh? They didn’t give you an actual score, did they?”

Riko blinked. “Um. No? I don’t think they did… honestly, I could’ve done better. I think. But Ruby’s happy to show me what they’re talking about with, um, everything, and, um… yeah…” Great answer, Riko. No wonder you’d done so poorly on yesterday’s quiz.

Chika and You shared a look. Though it wasn’t directed at her, Riko felt herself start to sweat a little. Sure, they might not know her deepest, darkest secrets, but the suspicion wouldn’t help her keep any of them. Breaking the pause though… it felt unfathomable. What could she say to get them to stop whatever that look meant? Finally, straightening up a little, You asked, “are you okay, Riko-chan?”

“Perfectly fine!” Riko. _Riko that’s what you say when things are_ ** _not_** _fine._ “Why?”

Oh, how she hoped they weren’t catching on to her… the second, wordless glance her friends had didn’t give her a good chance, though. Not at all. Curse Chika’s weird perceptiveness, curse You for being in tune with Chika, and curse herself for being so bad at being normal. And also being bad at keeping her emotions under wrap, but that went without saying.

Before her friends could answer, the door opened again, with their teacher calling them all to sit down. Riko thanked just near every deity she knew for the reprieve. She sped over to her desk, settling in and trying to tune out the audacity of the stare Chika was burning into her skull.

* * *

Riko doesn’t really want to deal with the grilling she’d be given by Chika and You if they corner her alone, so she insisted that they all go find the others and talk about their next song instead. It’s a relief when they agree, and it’s probably the best she’s felt since last night. The only thing that could be better is her exhaustion, but it’s fine. She can power through it just fine.

She should’ve known it wouldn’t last. Not even a minute into minding her own goddamn business, and of course it had to fly south for the winter. It didn’t matter that it was September. The analogy and her problems were year-round.

“Riko-chan, is something wrong?” For crying out loud, what is  _ with _ everyone and asking her if she was okay?! She’d be just  _ peachy _ if everyone would stop interrogating her for two seconds. Was that too much to ask for? Evidently, her souring mood became clear the moment she looked up, because Kanan leaned back a little. Surprise flickered on her face before being drowned out in concern.

She took in a sharp breath. Hold. One beat, two beat, three, and… sigh. “Is there a reason everyone’s asking me that?” Riko wanted to curl up into a ball and sleep until oblivion would claim her, but she sits up to meet everyone’s stares.

Riko hates how Kanan’s gaze swivels towards Mari. She hates even more than that, is how Mari’s eyebrow raises in silent communication with her friend. Stop trying to read into her soul, Mari. That goes for everyone else too! Stop it! She can’t handle it!

“Did Dia-san’s deep dark secret scare you, Riko-chan?” Hanamaru suddenly lost her place as Riko’s new best friend. How  _ dare _ you, ma’am.

“Wh-- I -- what?! N-nothing like -- nothing of the sort!” Oh look, there goes most of Riko’s lunch onto the ground below. Were she not sputtering and turning red as a sunburn, she would’ve mourned the loss of precious, precious fish... She felt more stares blistering her skin and she really, really did  _ not _ want to turn around and see what the look on Dia’s face was. Absolutely not.

“And  _ what _ is that supposed to mean, Hanamaru-san?” Okay. Facing forward was the best idea she’s had in a while. She also did not enjoy the absolute, sheer, utter  _ rage _ broiling underneath the calm veneer of the words from behind her. Eyes forward, Riko, ignore everyone else’s confusion and/or horror and perhaps scoot out of the path of destruction. She felt bad that it opened it up to land directly into Hanamaru. Though her treachery earned her many bad marks, Riko still cared about her.

Riko also cared about making it to the end of the day with her life still intact, so her friend was on her own.

Hanamaru seemed oblivious to the destruction she was unleashing upon them all, simply giving Dia a cheerful smile and folding her hands in her lap. “I think you’re scaring Riko-chan, zura.”

* * *

It was time. The dreaded hour had arrived. Free time…. Practice.

Well, practice wasn’t “free time” per se, but it definitely offered far more chances for everyone to be annoying and nosy and  _ why _ did she get paired up with Chika today?! Did fate really have it out for her?!

“Hey, so, about earlier--”

“We’re not talking about this.” Riko kept her eyes forward, willing some of Dia’s furious energy to keep her steady. “No, I don’t know what Hanamaru’s talking about, don’t want to know, and I’d really wish you’d stop asking me if I’m okay because I  _ am _ , outside of everyone asking me the same question as if I’ve got a sticky note taped to my forehead!” Quite a lot of words to get out while doing pushups, but hey. She was doing it! And if she happened to be able to pull off this conversation at the same time, maybe Chika would see that everything was, in fact, fine, and finally leave her be.

“That’s not what I was gonna ask you about.” Oh. She could just imagine Chika’s confused look. Maybe it was also a little worried? It probably was. Either way, she wasn’t going to risk a glance. Keep your eyes forward on the wall, Riko. “You-chan didn’t get to ask you about the costumes. She was thinking about having a less fluffy look this time? At least for the skirts.”

“Oh. Why?” Her shoulders complained as she reached… aw, she lost count. Did this mean she had to start all over again? No. No, she was not going to do that, what number did she last remember?

“Kanan said if we were going for elegance, we couldn’t do something that was so... fluffy.”

Riko let out a whine as she realized she was only at twenty out of the fifty she was supposed to do. “I guess,” wheeze, “that’s a good point.”

Chika seemed to have a better idea than she did and only spoke inbetween her pushups. Huh. That might… be the smarter thing to do. “Yeah. She’s suuuuuper worried about the, uhm… shape of it, though.”

“Silhouette?”

“Yeah, that. Anyway, she was gonna ask you if you wanted to help her this morning, but, ah-heh, you looked kinda… off.” Chika sat up on her knees, suspiciously looking around. Were they really going back to this, now? But no, she just kept quiet.

Riko opened her mouth when a certain someone barked at them. “What are you two doing?!”

“Nothing!” Chika chirped, casting a sheepish glance towards Riko before getting back to work. Riko just shook her head. Of all the answers, she managed to give the  _ worst _ one. Figures, but given that she managed to make Riko snicker, maybe that was the entire point of it. “Anyway, whaddya say, Riko-chan?”

“I’d be happy to help!” Thirty. She’s made it to thirty. Just twenty more and she can take a breather…

So close… just…. Just a little bit further...

And...

Her arms give out at around forty. Dia looks at her for all of two seconds before wordlessly handing her a water bottle and pointing her to sit out of everyone else’s way. Acutely aware of her friends staring at her, she shuffles over to the wall, sits down, and tries not to pay attention to the muttering as she checks her phone for the time. Forty-five minutes of absolute agony. She just had to hang on for that long before she could go home and pretend that today, on top of yesterday, hadn’t happened.

Ruby, Chika, and Yoshiko are lagging behind by the time Mari’s finished, so of course, the girl gravitates towards her. Naturally. Riko tries to look normal as she glances up. Curiosity can only be feigned, because she had a ‘sneaking’ suspicion she knew what Mari was about to talk about.

“Someone’s in a mood,” Mari remarks as she watches Dia rant. Wait for it, wait for it… She knew it was coming, the whole ‘did something happen?’ question all over again, only with a more infuriating intensity that could only come from Mari’s grand sense of care for both of her friends, but also her perchance to sniff out trouble better than a hounddog. Riko knows how awful it is to be searched out by one. Trust her on that one… already she feels her skin turning to ice.

Mari wasn’t finished. “What did you say to her?” Riko chokes on her water, sputtering into the back of her hand. How the  _ fuck _ did she--

A hand unhelpfully smacks her on the back, and it was now Riko noticed the new shadow looming over her. And also the purple hair and  _ wow _ , she really, really ought to start paying more attention to her surroundings. That, quite possibly, could’ve averted this whole situation to begin with. Kanan’s giving her a look of sympathy by the time she manages to expel the water from her lungs and can breathe again. “Mari-chan, give her a break. She didn’t do anything. Did you?”

Riko furiously shakes her head.

“Yeah, thought so. Are you feeling alright though, Riko-chan? You stopped kinda short, there.”

“I’m fine,” she manages to not wince at how much her voice cracked, “I just… I didn’t sleep too well last night. I think I’m just having an off day. It’s fine.” Kanan was still studying her rather intensely, but to Riko’s relief, took her words at face value. Finally. It only took half the day and then some…

Before Kanan could sit down, there was a loud shriek. The three of them shot their attention up to find Yoshiko, You, Hanamaru, and Dia in an awkward heap of limbs, with Yoshiko’s furious screeching somehow louder than Dia’s. Riko sucked in a breath. Oof. At least it wasn’t her this time...

* * *

She’s in the bathroom when Chika corners her. “Okay, really, Riko-chan, what’s going on?” Riko looks up to see a stern, worried expression boring into her in the bathroom mirror. Her hands might’ve been cold because of the water, but the rest of her… a chill shoots down her spine.

“Huh?”

Chika steps forward, her arms unfolding. Her head cocks. It’s easier for Riko to look at the tufts of hair coming free from behind her ear than to look into Chika’s eyes. “You’ve been acting funny all day. Did something happen? I mean, I get that you don’t wanna talk about it, but… I’m really worried!” Guilt settles her heart at her feet when she sees Chika’s hands ball into fists at her sides.

“Chika-chan , I really don’t know what you’re talking about.” Riko looks away, fully aware of how suspicious it made her look, but unable to do anything else. “Nothing’s happened! I really don’t know what everyone’s talking about. I promise.”

It takes everything Riko has to not squirm under the weight of consideration that Chika’s heaping on top of her now. Really, everything was fine. This was all just being blown far, far out of proportion. Finally, her friend sighs. “If you’re sure,” she offers with a sad grin.

“Yeah.” She doesn’t fidget with her hands this time. No, she looks up to face Chika and gives her a relieved smile. “Thank you for your concern, though. It… it means a lot.”

* * *

She walks past Mari in the hall and ignores the way the blonde looks at her. Chika’s footsteps fall in time with hers, and she’s relieved once more to see that they’re not headed towards the clubroom to find You. When they’re alone once they reach the staircase, Riko presses for an answer on that. Of course, not having to face the others was a relief, but this was a little bit fishy. And not the delicious fishy. Now that she was thinking about it, she mourned the loss of her filet from earlier...

“We were gonna go get some sorbet, ehehe! Just keep it between us, right? And You.” Chika stuck a finger to her lips as they pass through the school’s gates. “It’s a perfect place to go think!”

“You’re just saying that because you want mikan ice cream, aren’t you, Chika-?"

Chika squawks indignantly, and launched into a fervent protest. And Riko... Riko couldn't help it -- she began laughing at the redness in her friend's face as she comes up with all sorts of reasons as to why this sorbet place was a wonderful little taste of paradise and perfect for song inspiration. True warmth blooms in Riko's chest for the first time since her waking nightmare had begun. Chika's giving her a strange look but god be _ good _ , she just couldn't stop.

"Sorry, sorry," she wheezes when she can breathe again and wipes the tears from her eyes, "that's just really such a ‘you’ thing, Chika. Thanks."

It was clear that Chika was still a little confused, but at Riko's admission, her defenses fly away quicker than they'd arrived and she grinned. "Ah-hah… well, if it makes you feel better, that's the perfect reason to go, right?"

“Right.”


End file.
